ZDK Ministry of Government - Divine Law Library

THE LAWS OF GOD - #7.D.2

Tolerands Supplemental - COURTSHIP AND MATCHMAKING

7. THOU (you) SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY

.A SPECIFIC ADULTERY - Wife Defilement

.B General Adultery: MOSAIC TABOOS

SCRIPTURAL PERVERSIONS and Sex Crimes (PG)

.C TOLERANDS (PG-13)

7.D.1 TOLERANDS--ABORTION

7.D.2 Tolerands--COURTSHIP AND MATCHMAKING

...a METHODS OF MATE SEEKING:
While, on one hand, the modern world thinks dating is the only means of courtship, and, on the other hand, some Bible scholars hold that only arranged marriages are acceptable to God, the Holy Scriptures actually set forth a variety of methods. (Perhaps you should prayerfully consider them ALL for the one that is best for you?)

1. ARRANGEMENT:
   arranging a marriage through a matchmaker, agent, broker, or parent was one of the more popular methods of courtship, especialy among the middle class (and occassionally by the upper or Ruling class). Consequently, marriages by contract were often arranged in this manner (Genesis 24:2-4, 29:18-20), with the wife becoming an official concubine or legal spouse.
2. AWARD:
   offering a damsel's hand in marriage was often the prize or award for some heroic achievement in Mediavel Times, especially if it was something that advanced the Kingdom or God's works. We also find it in Bible Times among the upper or Ruling class. Consequently, such awards produced full religious marriages or Holy Union Covenants (Joshua 15:16-17; I Samuel 17:25), with the woman becoming an honorable wife or even noblewoman.
3. BEAUTY CONTEST:
   the Cinderella style ball (or Pagent), where the most beautiful maidens of the Land were assembled to compete for the prized marriage to nobility or royalty, was frequently used in Mediavel Times and we find it among the Ruling Class in Bible Times, as well. This would usually produce a full religious marriage or literally pergamosun, the elevation of a woman's status by marriage (Genesis 12:11-15, 20:2; Esther 2:2-4), with the woman becoming an honorable wife or usually a noblewoman.
4. BENJAMITE GIRL CATCH:
   this major sporting event of men literally chasing after the girl of their dreams (who entered the race to see what man might catch them) seems to have turned into an annual event in Bible Times--and can be found in some Sadie Hawkins Day Races in the Hill Country today (Judges 21:20-23). Here the woman would become a concubine or legal spouse, according to her contract for entering the race to marry whoever caught her.
5. COMBAT CAPTURE (War Brides):
   obtaining a bride by capture or conquest of other Lands has often been a historical means of obtaining a wife, as part of the spoils of war. This usually resulted in a marraige by usage, with the women being but bondswomem or slavegirl (Numbers 31:15-18; Deuteronomy 21:10-14).
6. DATING???
   Unfortunately, the modern popular form of dating does not appear to be in Biblical nor Mediavel Times, unless you consider it as the typical assignations (prostitution) or perhaps seduction, below? (Consequently, it is not recommended in Our Realm--though it is not directly forbidden.)
7. ENSERFMENT (Vassalage):
   when a damsel found a nobleman that she was willing to serve, she would do him homage and throw herself at his feet (thus asking to be his servant or slave). This was quite popular in Mediavel Times and is found in Bible Times, as well. However, such actions did not always produce marriage but a working relationship was established and if the girl proved a good laborer, then she could be taken as a wife or bondswoman later on.
8. PURCHASE:
   it was quite popular for upper and middle class men to literally purchase their wives--some as slavegirls and others as chattels or personnal property from their fathers. Consequently, these marriages were usualy concubinage or contract marriages. We find this not only in Bible Times but also in Mediavel Times, as well, and it was especially popular of the middle class (Ruth 4:9-10; Hosea 3:1-3).
9. SEDUCTION:
   while not encourage, it has always been recognized in Hebrew Culture that things can get away from men and women at times and the emotions of the moment (and the chemistry of the encounter) can lead to consumation on the spot. Moreover, such romancing seems to be quite popular with weak women throughout all times. Consequently, such relationships usually ended up as marriage by usage, with the woman being but a bondswoman to her man (Deuteronomy 22:28-29).
10. WORKPLACE (Meetings at the Well):
    men and women are not mechanical robots and if they are to work side by side then it must be expected that biological chemistry will occur and romance be sparked at work or at the Congregation, wherever they associate together (Genesis 24:11-10, 29:9-12; Exodus 2:16-21).

...b BETROTHAL (Engagement):
Once the mate was found (by whatever means, above), a formal betrothal was often made (especially for arranged marriages) and vows or promises to marry were exchanged, frequently before witnesses (Genesis 29:18-20; Exodus 21:7-11; Deuteronomy 20:7, 22:23-29; Hosea 2:18-20; Matthew 1:18-19; Luke 1:26-27). (Moreover, by tradition, the Groom would offer the Bride a tray of unleavened bread and wine as a symbol of their first Passover or Communion together--if she ate and drank of it, then she was saying that she was agreeable to the terms of the Betrothal!)

1. KETUBAH (Holy Union Covenant):
   the Betrothal was often formalized in a written document (which we now call a pre-nuptial or a pre-marrital agreement). However, it was much more than our modern engagement, for it formed a binding contract that could only be broken by a divorce proceeding! (Moreover, by Rabbinic Teaching, Moses delivered God's Ketubah to Israel in the form of the 10 Commandments and Laws of God at Sinai!) This contract usually covered:
• ....a BRIDE-PRICE (Father's Gift):
  The Purchase of Brides (or at least compensating the Father for raising the Bride--and parting with her for the wedding) was usually done in Biblical and Mediavel Times. Consequently, it is a good practice to keep up (Genesis 24:10, 53, 29:18-20, 34:12; I Samuel 18:22-25; Hosea 3:2-3).
• ....b DOWRY (Husband's Gift):
  To help the couple off to a good financial start in their marriage, the Bride (and her friends and family) would put up a variety of items and money. Moreover, such gifts were expected to insure that the couple had relatively equal social status OR to sweeten the deal (to talk the groom into the marriage) OR as security against the Bride's previous indescretions (as insurance for the Groom to receive if she should break the wedlock). We find this practiced all through the Holy Scriptures and in Mediavel Times--which is a foreshadowing of the gifts that the Body of Believers will present to the Lord at the Marriage Feast of the Lamb (Genesis 30:20, 34:12; Exodus 22:17; Joshua 15:18-19; I Kings 9:16-17).
• ....c MOHAIR? (Bride's Gift):
  To help the couple off to a good financial start, the Groom (and his friends and family) would put up a variety of gifts and money (to make her married life more pleasant and comfortable, as well as to purchase her interest in marrying him). Moreover, like the Dowry, this was held as security and would become the Bride's property if the Groom should be divorced for just cause. This was also a long standing practice (Genesis 24:22, 53, 34:12; I Kings 10:13).

  (NOTE: Unfortunately, the term Mohair or gift is sometimes used for all three gifts, above, so be careful to avoid the confusion.)

2. REQUIREMENTS:
• ....a AGE:
  both the Bride and the Groom must be of marriable age, i.e. teenage or older--see LAW-7.B.10 PEDIAPHILIA BAN under General Adultery.

  (Also, check your local State laws for age of consent.)

• ....b STATUS:
  both the Bride and the Groom must be of marriagable status--i.e. not a celibate, prostitute, or showgirl, wife, etc.
• ....c PARENTS:
  both the Bride's Parents and the Groom's Parents must formally consent (before witnesses) to the Betrothal (Genesis 21:21, 34:3-4, 38:6; Judges 14:2-3).
• ....d CONSENT:
  the Bride must also formally consent (before witnesses) to the Betrothal (Genesis 24:58).
• ....e COVENANT:
  once the Betrothal is made, it is a binding contract or covenant, requiring a divorce proceding to break (Leviticus 19:20; Deuteronomy 23:22-24; Matthew 1:18-19). Consequently, consumation may then occur whenever the couple may desire (Ezekiel 16:8; I Corinthians 7:36-37), and restrictions on chaperoning or visit limitations are usually dropped.
• ....f WEDDING:
  the wedding or formal taking of the Bride to her new residence with her husband must occur at a later date than that of making of the formal Betrothal (Revelations 19:7-9). (Symbolic of the Brides and Body's wait for the Return and Second Coming of Our Lord! Moreover, the formal congregational wedding is symbolic of the Marriage Feast of the Lamb at Christ's Return for HIS Bride.)

...c ENDOGAMY (and Exogamy):
The Holy Scriptures sternly admonish us to marry within the Peoples of God (with those of the Faith). Such marriages within your own group are called endogamy. And we are admonished to even marry not only within Our own Faith, but also the denomination--or even Congregation: to keep the Family stable and worshipping God (I Corinthians 7:39; II Corinthians 6:14-15). (So, keep this in mind while looking for a mate!)

However, Marriages outside your group or exogamy are tolerated at times in the Holy Scriptures (though they are generally considered more risky).

1. EXOGAMY TOLERATED:
• ....a OF FAITHFUL MEN
  if they are either marrying a captive woman or war bride (Deuteronomy 21:1-13) OR are marrying a foreign slavegirl or purchased woman (Genesis 16:1-3; Judges 14:1-4)--where the Kindgom of God would be further by the authority of the husband in the marriage (and she be content to dwell under his Laws from God--I Corinthians 7:13), and where her status in marriage would be increased (see Pergamosun) as she learns Our Culture and comes to walk in God's Ways.
• ....b OF FAITHFUL WOMEN
  if they are marrying a foreign ruler or a foreigner of great enough importance that the Kingdom of God would be advanced by the union (Nehemiah 6:17-19; Esther 2:8), but not to commoners as these are likely to dissipate the Family from its Faith.
• ....c OF BOTH
  only if the children produced by the union are brought up in the teachings of God and are instructed to walk in God's Ways--and definatley NOT the false religion of the foreigners (Nehemiah 13:23-27).

2. NOT ALLOWED (See, also NOAHIC RULES OF FELLOWSHIP.):
• ....a PROMISCUITY:
  If the potential Bride or Groom comes from a foreign country or culture that is wildly promiscuous, and thus likely to spread sexually transimitted diseases among Our People--see Infectication under General Adultery.
• ....b IDOLATRY (Conversion):
  If the potential Bride or Groom intends to (or keeps up) worship his old gods of his foreign land or practices (teaches) his old religion that is NOT of the Judeo-Christian Heritage--unless they convert and take up God and HIS Ways, BEFORE THE MARRIAGE (Genesis 24:3, 27:11-13; Exodus 34:12, 16; Deuteronomy 7:3-4; Joshua 23:11-13; I Kings 11:1-8; Ezra 9:1-2, 11-12, 10:10; Nehemiah 10:30, 13:23-27).

...d LEVIRATE MARRIAGE:
While God's People are to be given the liberty to pretty much choose who they wish to marry, there are some restrictions (such as Endogamy, above). And, while freedom is cherished, the importance of continuing the Family Line takes priority over it, so that the childless widow is admonished to marry her husband's brother so that whatever children she has may have by him may be counted for her husband's descendants and his Family continued (Genesis 38:6-8; Deuteronomy 25:5-6; Ruth 4:9-10; Matthew 22:24; Mark 12:19).

Moreover, if her husband's brother is unwilling to marry her (or at least produce children through her), then she may turn to the next nearest kin of her husband, in order to fulfill this marital duty of the Law (Deuteronomy 25:7-10; Ruth 3:11-13, 4:5-8; Matthew 22:24-27; Mark 12:9-22).

Furthermore, if a man only have daughters at his death, then one of them may be designated heiress, to marry among his male relatives, that her son(s) may be her father's heir(s)--grandson.

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